The Las Vegas Courtesan

The first rule to having a happy and successful bachelor party is knowing your attendees. This makes a huge difference in how you should plan accordingly because every party is different and a lot of parties end up in disaster due to lack of communication, among other things. Which brings me to the tweet I made that some people wanted me to elaborate (plus I have received a lot of emails lately wanting party advice):

“I really have a hard time dealing with the stress of bachelor parties these days. I’m so good at predicting outcomes it makes me nervous.”

I have been to so many parties over the years, I’m sure the number is way up there. The success rate of bachelor parties (or really any group of guys over 4), is much lower than the success rate of a call that has one guy or two. We typically look forward to the individual guys calling and somewhat groan when we hear it’s a party. Why? Here’s a little top three list of reasons:

1) Too many cooks in the kitchen:

There are 2+ girls, and a bunch of guys. Typically one guy has called or a couple of guys had some lightbulb moment and decided to plan the party. We try to talk to those people alone and away from the other guys. The reason is so that there is less confusion explaining things to a room full of drunk, rowdy men and to save our voices because usually instructions would be yelled. This also saves my patience and any other girls when we have to repeat ourselves 400 times to each guy, who mostly aren’t listening anyway. Even though we take these precautions, every guy ends up wanting to be the boss and dictating how things are going to go. So far all of this explaining has eaten up 30 minutes of our time to make sure there is no confusion. See my post on how agencies really work  to understand why we don’t want there to be any misunderstandings after a fee is collected.

2) We want the fee back!:

Once an agency fee is collected and called in, it is non-refundable. This is the part that stresses me out the very most. If we “check in” to a call and then the money is handed back, then we are therefore responsible for the money out of our own pocket. Yes, that sucks immensely. Some companies understand more and don’t make girls pay it back, but some are very strict about this policy. Really, I hate a conflict or disagreement, so that’s why I try to explain everything fully to clients and only work for agencies that I know explain things correctly on the phone. Clients only listen to half or none of what the girl says on the phone, so I try to repeat everything fully to make sure. People demanding back the fee is a rare occurrence for me now, but that thought and stress is still there in the back of my mind.

3) Problems, problems, problems:

Bachelor parties are the number one type of call where problems happen, and guys turn into some sort of irate animals. This is somewhere between what psychologists call “groupthink” and animal pack behavior. Most guys are having a good time, then a couple are just unsatisfied with whatever is going on usually alcohol induced (also, usually the person who spent the least amount of money or none at all), and their dissatisfaction spreads throughout the group until it’s a full-on mutiny. The emotions spread and turns into a mob against the girls. I’ve been around so many situations I can usually tell almost immediately if the party will be a problem or not. This intuition is great to have, but makes me nervous when I see how things might become a problem.

So, how do you make sure your bachelor party won’t turn into a disaster? Here are some good pointers:

1) Know your attendees:

Like I said before this makes all of the difference. If you have a larger group of guys and a couple of them can spend decent money, but the rest are complaining about $7 beers, then you might want to consider a strip club. The club can pick your party up for free, they have a two drink minimum, and each guy can pitch in what they want (if they want). Large groups of guys sometimes split up into smaller groups during these trips, so sometimes it’s better to group up the guys who are willing to pitch in for the bachelor and not be party duds. This way you have a group of guys that really want a good show and won’t complain about spending more than $40

2) Don’t try to invite every friend since kindergarten:

The larger the bachelor party, the more hectic and chaotic it gets. The most fun parties I have been to were between 4-7 guys. Everyone gets more time with each girl for dances, everyone isn’t squished like sardines in a room, and we don’t have to yell over every drunk in the room to explain anything. Things go more smoothly and overall people have a better time as a group. We get to know guys and interact with each one on a more personal basis as well. The money is a little more per person, but in the end the money goes further.

3) Way more interactive:

The in-room experience is definitely way more interactive with touching, games, and embarrassing the bachelor (clubs just don’t do the embarrassing stage shows in town anymore), but it is never cheaper than a club. This is a HUGE misconception with guys. They think the strip club girls are expensive and we work for singles. That logic makes no sense! Agency fees are in the hundreds alone, and strippers in the clubs already make on average 2-3 dances for $100, $400 for half an hour and $800+ for an hour. There is no way we’d be doing so much more for ones and fives. The difference is we can play more games and be more personable than clubs.

4) Be organized!:

Have the agency fee ready, have a decent amount of money per guy collected on top of the fee, and don’t go exchange all of your cash for ones! Keep some small bills for playing games with the bachelor, but please please pretty please don’t go exchange everything out in ones. The casino cashiers usually won’t take them back, and we get the biggest “Okay, stripper” eye roll.

Hopefully these tips helped everyone just in time for those people planning trips before the spring wedding rush. Las Vegas is definitely a bachelor party Mecca, so plan accordingly to your group to make it the best trip. There’s a party for everyone here I think.
Here’s also to a good 2012 and my first post of the new year.

Every so often I get emails, comments on Twitter, or read comments on articles that I was featured in that really come across as hateful or in general sex worker bashing. (Oh, like that’s really anything new.) Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion of prostitution and I respect that 1st Amendment right, however, it seems that since I am a sex worker then I am not entitled to my own opinion or to share my point of view of my line of work with others. Like I glorify it on here only speaking half truths, and maybe I really must hate myself, have Daddy issues, and was really forced into this line of work. Well, none of that’s true (I know the cynics will be disappointed!)

Since I stay up quite late at night, I typically wake up in time for lunch and sometimes eat out at places frequented by local corporate workers in their lunch breaks. I sit in a booth or table nearby and can’t help but hearing their ongoing, mundane conversations. Sometimes I don’t want to hear them, but that’s just too bad because I will be subjected to the woman bellowing out her latest bellyache about some other female employee or some other random drama back at the office. I sit there and I think to myself, is this what the average, anti-sex worker person wants me to do? Be just as miserable as this woman at her boring, dead-end corporate job? Who can’t even relax at a nice lunch for an hour and talk about anything else, maybe even something that’s nice and pleasant? I mean these people I listen to are average Joe corporate America with a “real” job where they go to some office for a set number of hours a day for a set number of days a week. All they can go on about is how they can screw over their boss or company (or government), instead of relaxing during that one hour off to eat. I sit there and think to myself, “If I had that job I would be so miserable and feel so trapped,” and yet in my current job I don’t ever feel that way. I don’t feel trapped, I don’t feel miserable, and I can’t beat making my own shedule. I know “they” all want me to feel that way, or “they” want me to come out and admit that my life is a wreck, but it isn’t, and I won’t ever let it be that way. Of course I have friends that really enjoy their jobs at corporations and the line of work they are in, and I am happy for anyone else who enjoys their job at the same type of place… It’s just not for me.

I had talked previously in a post about the dark side of prostitution and how it sickens me what people to do others with trafficking. There definitely are girls that need to be helped and pimps that need to be prosecuted for forcing anyone into prostitution. Yes, there is a dark side to this business, but there are dark sides to a lot of other businesses too. I recently read somewhere in a news article that the “happy hooker” is just a myth and it’s all a lie. No matter what we are all “victims” of “the game” (I really hate that term!) Sorry, but the girls I know are definitely not a myth and are not miserable. So please go help those who need the help (I would even like to help too), but don’t group us all into the category of being trapped or wanting out. I’m happy right where I am for now, and I can do whatever I want when I so chose.

 At last, some nice brothels! Patiently people have been waiting for me to say, “Oh this place is awesome! Everyone should visit here!” Finally, that moment has come.

Storey County is located only 15 or so miles outside of Reno-Sparks (and near the Washoe County line) on the Interstate 80. The World Famous Mustang Ranch and Wild Horse Adult Resort and Spa are the closest brothels to the second largest city in the state. I, like most people, get confused about the locations and proximities of the other famous ranches in northern Nevada, such as the Bunny Ranch, and assume that they are closer to Reno than Carson City. Mustang Ranch and Wild Horse are definitely the closest and by far the nicest brothels on my tour.

The first actual billboard sign I saw for the brothels (and only sort of advertising I had seen in the state) was right outside of Winnemucca. I think the signs were mostly for the World Famous Mustang Ranch and urged truckers and the like to stop in and stay a while. You can’t miss these two brothels at night because of the hundred or so affixed old-school red police car lights on top of the roofs of the brothels. You can sort of see these crazy lights on the roof in the pictures of the Wild Horse. Though the houses are a little distance from the south side of the freeway, they are easy to see and signs help direct you there with no problem. A nice guard greets you at the front entrance to the property, and as you drive in you notice both ranches share a parking lot so it’s easy to walk from one to the other. I started at the Mustang Ranch first then strolled across to Wild Horse to check them both out… I was happy to finally find quality brothels.

I have been looking forward to visiting the Mustang Ranch brothel for years. I don’t recall when exactly I had read the book “Brothel: Mustang Ranch and Its Women” by Alexa Albert, but I was really intrigued with it all. When I read it I hadn’t known the whole story to the final days of the Ranch with the previous owners, the federal racketeering cases, and the involvement of Joe Conforte. I also didn’t know that the brothel was reopening and had moved since the book had been written. I just wanted to visit the place and see what it was really like for myself. Finally that day had come on my tour! I originally had the address in my notes as the original location, about five miles north and on the opposite side of the freeway. After some research I had found out it was moved to the present location along with the owner’s other project, the Wild Horse Spa and Brothel.

I decided to go into the Mustang first. You are buzzed in through the front door and walk into a huge area that has a bar, tables, and is decorated like a garden with water fountains, trellises, and flowering vines. The ceiling is painted like the sky, which is a little cheesy, but was a nice change to the dingy entrances I had been in so far on the tour. Five to six girls were sitting around chatting in this area at the various tables and gave a friendly hello as I walked in. I sat at the bar for a minute and got the feeling that they don’t do line-ups here so much as you find the lady of your choice in this lounge area (there didn’t really seem to be an “area” for line-ups, either). At this time a girl pretty girl walked up, introduced herself and offered to give a tour… and what a grand tour it was.

She explained how all of the wings that branched off from the middle bar area were a part of the original Mustang Ranch owned by Joe Conforte and was air lifted to this location by the present owners. She said that they didn’t have some sort of permit or permission to do this move, and was subsequently fined $1 million by the state or county (although I can’t seem to verify this statement.)  I asked her, “Do they train you to know all of this information for the tours?” She explained that when you first come to the brothel they have a house book that explains rules, regulations, and history to tell clients on the tours. Interesting!

There are four VIP suites and four wings, but I’m not sure how many regular rooms they had for the girls.  With each hallway there is an iron gate restricting access with security codes, surveillance cameras, and sensors. One of the most original suites I saw was what she called the “Pretty Princess Suite”. Painted in pastel purple and other girly colors, she explained it was for guys with fetishes and couples. Another suite was dubbed the Safari room with a huge tub that had the faucet pour from the ceiling, sauna, and a large bed. She explained some clients get this room since it’s comfortable for an overnight stay with the lady of their choice. The other two suites were Asian themed and Hawaiian themed. I forget which room had the largest bed, but it was two California Kings pushed together. She said the largest party she had seen was about 15 guys who each had a girl on every area of the large bed… wow. You could tell the owners had spent a fortune on the nice furniture in every suite. No expense was spared in making this place look nice. There was also a Kama Sutra chair and a huge bondage bean bag in these rooms, and I think every suite also had a stage and stripper pole on the side. I didn’t see the bondage/dominatrix room, but apparently it is attached to a room that is a tribute to Joe and Sally Conforte (and isn’t generally open to the public on the tour.)

Similar to the brothels in Winnemucca, the Mustang Ranch has several negotiation rooms. In these rooms there are a few chairs, a side table with hand sanitizer, rubber gloves, wipes, and a lamp. Apparently this is also the room where any inspection of the genitals happens before any payment is made. The girl can discuss and agree on a price (there’s a $100 house minimum), but before she takes him to the cashier to pay and start time she must make sure the client passes inspection.

I really enjoyed the tour of this brothel and wish I could have spent more time here. I got a kick out of a little ghost story from my tour guide girl about how she had to move wings because of something “not feeling right” in her old room (other girls have had to move out of that hall as well). Another story of a client dying of a heart attack before she ever worked there, but ironically was not on the same hall that she felt was “haunted”. I had another haunting story told later to me from a girl at the Sagebrush Brothel. Maybe a cable channel should pick up a reality series about haunted brothels and the girls’ stories.

Out of all of the brothels, I think the Mustang Ranch would be the only one I would choose to work at if I ever decided to pursue the legal brothel route. Though the Wild Horse is also very nice, I liked the vibe from this brothel better.