The Las Vegas Courtesan

I was fairly pleased with the outcome of CES this year. It was so slow before then that I was starting to worry about the start of the new year. I know that in years past when I have been here for CES I was quite disappointed, but this year it put a little pep in my step.

I had noticed a ton more girls freelancing in the casinos and the variety that seems sort of out of place for the usual Vegas prostitutes. I had some image in my head of a venturesome group of pimps in Southern California who thought it would be a good idea to pack up their girls in airport shuttle vans and take them all to Las Vegas for the convention weekend and drop them off.  Another thing I wondered as I watched two girls walking around in matching gold hot pants/romper outfits who were definitely porn stars, was “How many of these porn star girls or porn groupies get arrested by vice because they are being overly sexual yet breaking no laws?”  Haven’t heard or read any figures on that one but if I do I will definitely post them.  I am sure there are quite a few mix-ups and the porn girls get mistaken for prostitutes.

So I had posted an update on my Twitter about being amazed at people who are so in the dark about basic sexual education or human interaction. The client was a conventioneer visiting from a New England state but had moved to the US from India 7 years ago.  He first started by replying to my greeting of, “Hi, How are you?” with, “How much are your services”? Since I was there for an agency I had to slow him down, collect the agency fee first, and then move on from there. He reluctantly gave me the fee since he assumed I was having sex for the agencies money. Then after he stripped down and I stripped down he was all over me like a kid in a candy store. I had to calm him down since he was getting way too carried away, grabbing forcefully, and looked like he was about to lick me like a dog.  He calmed down, apologized for being excited (which is okay of course!), got to talking about entertainment and what budget he wanted to work with.  Right off the bat he was asking for almost two hours of full service for barely over what the company was making (which I think was around $100). I said I would be more than happy to please him but his demands were way off. He finally understood why his money wasn’t buying so much but said that was okay, he liked me too much for me to go.

Excellent!

So I excused myself to the restroom and he followed me saying, “Do you have to pee? Can I watch? I want to see!” and was forcing the bathroom door open as I was trying to close it. I explained that would not be included with what he paid, he sighed and went back to the room. After I finished, I told him it was his turn to clean up since his terrible comb over was matted with oil from not washing it and deemed a good rinse off.

So… as for the actual entertainment it went quickly and was minimal, but what got me afterwards were his questions. This poor guy was completely lost. He first asked me about my “vagina”, as he put it politely. He asked, “Where do girls pee from? Is that what the clitoris is for? I have heard about it feeling good”.  I was shocked but didn’t want to make him feel bad for being uneducated and explained what the clitoris was for and how we peed from underneath. His next question was about dating. He asked, “How do I date? What do girls like?”  I had to answer this question carefully because he was in desperate need of a haircut (I say shave it all off don’t mess with what little hair you have left!), had a huge long beard I could tell was tucked like most Indian men who are Sikh (but he claimed he wasn’t), and needed some brow trimming (had one brow, not two!). I told him he should go out, find someone good, and treat himself to a day of pampering. I told him girls like guys who are confident and who take care of themselves so treat yourself well and maybe get a new more confident look. He was happy with my suggestions and went on to ask, “So where do I find dates?”  I kind of giggled at the question but really had no clue.  I only gave him the suggestion of staying away from bars and he thought maybe the internet would be better.

Did I mention this guy was almost 40?

It shocked me at the time that he would be so uneducated and opened my eyes more to how other cultures treat sex education as a sin and avoid it almost completely. Hope my suggestions helped!

I get asked this question quite a bit by nervous guys who feel like they are somehow inadequate to women and figure who better to ask than a girl who sees a lot of penises? I can see their reasoning’s why I might be a good person to ask….

I really started thinking about it when a Chinese guy in his early 20’s struck up a conversation while I was getting ready to leave.  He is going to school in the states for a few years and had observed some things, but was especially concerned about the discussion of penis size.  I think he had seen some pornographic movies since living here and asked, “So white men, they are like this long, huh?” and held up his hands to make a length of almost a FOOT. I almost died laughing watching him try to judge what he thought was the normal size of other men. Then he went on to say, “because I know… Chinese man is very small, huh?” I said to him that I don’t know what he watched or what he was judging it on, but if he was basing it on watching porno movies since living in the US then he shouldn’t be so concerned. I think the men that are in said movies are approximately 2% of the population and since they seem to last longer sometimes (I know they do several shots and takes to make it seem like they come once an hour) I think the size + stamina drops the stats down even further.  Maybe I am wrong, but I very very rarely see men who could audition for some sort of porn movie role.  Sounds crazy but true.

The average client I see has a penis between the length of 4-6 inches. The typical stamina of clients is fairly quick, which goes along with some statistics I read that the average man lasts 4-6 minutes. I think sometimes things last longer, here in Vegas, just because of the amount of drinking and partying that people do and THEN decide to call a prostitute. Usually those people can’t finish or get it up. I can usually tell this is going to happen within the first 2 minutes of starting to entertain a guy. Back to penis size though… I know a lot of people will disagree with my numbers but here’s my theory: maybe men who are significantly larger have more self confidence and they don’t feel the need to use the services of a prostitute or maybe they feel like they have something to prove and won’t use their services.  The one thing that shocks me the most though is the number of men who look like their penis was marred by a bad circumcision.  I see quite a few that point weird directions, come to a small point like a rocket, have super skinny shafts but a big mushroom head or vice versa, and the most painful of all: are hooked almost as much as Gonzo’s nose on the Muppets.

Either way, I hope I dismissed some myths and I know I definitely gave a little more confidence to the Chinese student by assuring him that he was normal and don’t worry about competing with the porn stars.

So you did it! You finally got the courage up and called one of those cards on the Strip a site from the Internet and decided that the fee sounded good and you told the girl or agency to send you someone.  A lot of people are nervous when they have to meet a girl and don’t know what to do or how to act. People are especially worried when the hotel they are staying at requires the guest to have someone pick them up downstairs and show a room key.  Hopefully I can give some good pointers on how you should and should NOT greet your date.

Sometimes when I meet with people downstairs their manners make me cringe and want to hide in a hole. By way of examples, some things you shouldn’t do:

Don’t greet your girl with a handshake

This sounds so obvious but so so many times when I find the guy who I am meeting he sticks out his hand to shake mine. I have to do a polite grabbing of the hand and pulling him close for a hug because I am supposed to “know” this person not just meeting them and going straight upstairs.  It looks so obvious and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.   What should you do? Go to the girl and maybe give a small hug, or say, “Hi how are you? Did you have fun tonight?” or something else that makes it seem like we know each other.

Don’t ask the girl in a loud boisterous voice, “Are you so-and so!?”

It’s okay to make sure you have the right girl, but keep your voice down and be a little more discreet. Also don’t introduce yourself as, “Hi, I’m John it’s so nice to meet you” for the same reasons as above.  Save the introductions for in the room behind closed doors. There will be plenty of time getting to know each other once you get upstairs.

Don’t ever ever bring up money downstairs

Another one that should be obvious but happens a lot –  If you are confused on fees and such, just take the time and ask the girl in private once you are upstairs your room. This will save a lot of embarrassment for both you and the girl.

If you don’t like the girl don’t make a big scene about it downstairs

If you asked for a tall hot blonde and the agency was foolish by sending you a short Hispanic girl, for example, don’t make a scene about it (especially in front of security at the elevators). Either take a walk with her and explain in a low voice you were looking for a different type of girl or politely take her upstairs and explain. By taking her upstairs you can explain what you want more clearly, and if you feel so inclined, giving her gas/taxi money would be polite as well. Girls just go where they were told to go by the phone girls and usually have no idea what request you gave to the agency, so don’t take it out on the escort. She is usually just as confused or upset as you are, as her time has been wasted too… just like yours has.

One thing you definitely should do:

Give the girl on the phone (when you must get them downstairs) a good description of what you look like and get a good description of the girl.. maybe even change clothes so you don’t look like everyone else wearing a black shirt and jeans. This makes it easy for both parties to meet in a timely manner, reduces any confusion, and most importantly helps keep everything very discreet and professional.

I hope this helps some people when getting a girl in Vegas from an agency or the Internet. It’s okay if you don’t know how things work but understanding these pointers helps a lot so no one feels embarrassed!

Well lets face it… I could go on an on about the things I *don’t* like to hear (of course there are tons!) but hey… that would be negative and who wants that!?

Top Three Things I LIKE To Hear (in no particular order):

1) “I left the fee out for you”

 When I go on calls for agencies, the most unsexy thing is being asked a bunch of questions about something that was already was explained to them on the phone before I was even called to come over. The job of the girl who books the appointment is to properly pitch the guy and be ready for when the girl gets there.. that way the fun can begin right away! Every girl likes to come in and see a prepared guy with at least the fee. I never mind if people only have the fee and know they have to tip but wait to go to the ATM until I show up. A lot less hassle!

2) Being told during a large bachelor party by the organizer, “If someone in our party is being rude to you, come and get me”

As I have said before, there is always one asshole at every bachelor party. The sad part is when the other friends don’t tell that one guy to act right, and it ends up ruining the whole vibe in the room. It’s always comforting if the organizer knows some of his friends can be rude, and doesn’t mind telling them to behave.

3) Without asking the guy says, “I’m going to hop in the shower first, make yourself comfortable”

   I always make people wash up before hand. Some people take full showers when I ask and some people just wash their genitals. I really hate asking sometimes because I think people wonder if I am only asking because I think they are gross or that they stink, and that’s hardly the case. It makes it much more comfortable for me when people volunteer way ahead of my request.

Top Three Things I DON’T LIKE To Hear (in no particular order):

1) “I mean, we’re good looking guys and all.. I’m sure you wouldn’t charge us as much as some other guys”.

  This statement really makes it hard for me to not roll my eyes. I have to say that a pretty large majority of people who call for girls in Las Vegas are in their mid 20′s-late 30′s. Most guys this age assume that the ONLY type of guys who call are 50+ and have some sort of weight problem. I don’t know where they get this from, but it is definitely not the majority. A lot of people who visit Las Vegas are conventioneers, yes, but the other half of guys who visit are younger and eager to party. The nice way I like to respond to their vain comment is, “I don’t discriminate against who you are, your age, your weight, or where you stay and adjust my pricing to each category. I keep it fair!” heh.

2)  ”Money is not an issue”

     Surprisingly when I hear this comment, money ALWAYS becomes an issue. You’d think that it would be like, “Oh well okay” and things go smoothly, but actually when I hear this comment usually the call doesn’t work out. This comment is also usually followed by:

3) “So… how much is it?”

     How much is it for what? So many people have different requests and needs, it’s all negotiable. I don’t have a set price and I know most girls don’t have a set in stone sticker amount for a session. Some people want sex, but want it just quick and fast. Some people want sex but want a whole hour, as many times, and also a long blow job. Some people want something in the middle. Some people don’t want sex at all and are afraid to go that far. I also get, “you know what I want”. If reading minds was so easy.. then I would have a straight answer and heck.. everything would be a lot easier! That would be awesome!

Yea tough economic times this and tough times that. The economic situation is the new excuse for clients. I giggle every time I hear someone scoff at tipping for entertainment claiming, “Don’t you know we’re in a recession?” Uhm, maybe so but men still pay for fun so no you don’t get a freebee! I know that casino revenues are down, I know strippers are getting lonely in the clubs, but I think people still know that paying for a girl for sex is a better value than blowing it downstairs or in the club. Yes, it has become more difficult and yes the fall in Las Vegas is a rollercoaster (when *isn’t* this town a rollercoaster?) but overall I have tried to deal by having patience. It seems to be my best trait and it ends up paying off. Sometimes things are out of my control (like clients tonight being overdrawn or forgetting their credit card and ID at the strip club they were just at) but I tend to sit it out and try harder than most other girls. I have tried ditching the more picky and stingy side of me… definitely a positive lesson to learn.

Moving onto something more interesting! Thanks to Simon who emailed me this link to an article on Scientific American about why men buy sex. I found it fairly interesting and thorough but it also made me realize: I’m glad I am a sex worker in the United States. Sounds odd but from the article and the many stories I hear from clients who gloat about getting a girl (or two) all night for $20 in Thailand, or the German clients who get seriously upset when they don’t get sex for the agency fee (since intercourse is often times approximately $100 or less), I couldn’t imagine working some place where I didn’t feel much value due to the amount of money I made. That is also one of the reasons why I felt so bad when I read how much Amanda Brooks was making on her clients at Bellas Ranch. I would feel like less of a person if the money I was making didn’t add up to the work I did. That, to me, is abusive. Anyway, I went off a tangent but the main point is it’s a pretty good article. I think most people here in Las Vegas get girls because they are tired of the games girls play at the clubs and want the no-hassle/no strings attached approach. I think it’s a good idea! (of course)

So the fight with Ricky Hatton I talked about last time didn’t really end up being as nutty as the last fight he had here in Las Vegas. I think it was because the contender wasn’t some huge name like Mayweather, and so all of our brothers from across the pond didn’t see a reason to come to Sin City this year. I am sure the current exchange rate didn’t help since last time it was over 2 to 1 pounds versus dollars. I still did okay, but I wasn’t running around like crazy like the previous experience.

Since I am leaving out of town early this year for the holidays (I usually wait until the National Finals Rodeo leaves since it becomes a ghost town) I am having to hustle every day until next Sunday… which included working Thanksgiving night. Don’t have a pity party or anything because I still had turkey and stuffing at a friends house, but immediately went to work after that. Was a so-so night and was definitely better than not working at all. It worked in my favor that not many girls were working so for the few calls that did come in, I got a lot of them.

Speaking of the rodeo, I’d like to give a helpful bit of information for all of you tourists that want to save a buck or two and wonder “hey when is the cheapest time to visit Vegas?” The answer is: The day after the NFR (National Finals Rodeo) ends. This year it’s the 6th of December through the 13th. So if you really want the cheapest Vegas vacation.. come the day after the rodeo and leave before New Years. It is seriously the cheapest time of year and you can enjoy all of the pretty Christmas decorations the casinos put out (minus the most awesome Christmas tree Caesars used to put out. Damn you Harrah’s for being lazy cheap bastards). As far as escorts that time of year? You might be waiting in your room for the girl to show up a little longer and the pickings might be slim… but they do work 365 days a year.