The Las Vegas Courtesan

The first rule to having a happy and successful bachelor party is knowing your attendees. This makes a huge difference in how you should plan accordingly because every party is different and a lot of parties end up in disaster due to lack of communication, among other things. Which brings me to the tweet I made that some people wanted me to elaborate (plus I have received a lot of emails lately wanting party advice):

“I really have a hard time dealing with the stress of bachelor parties these days. I’m so good at predicting outcomes it makes me nervous.”

I have been to so many parties over the years, I’m sure the number is way up there. The success rate of bachelor parties (or really any group of guys over 4), is much lower than the success rate of a call that has one guy or two. We typically look forward to the individual guys calling and somewhat groan when we hear it’s a party. Why? Here’s a little top three list of reasons:

1) Too many cooks in the kitchen:

There are 2+ girls, and a bunch of guys. Typically one guy has called or a couple of guys had some lightbulb moment and decided to plan the party. We try to talk to those people alone and away from the other guys. The reason is so that there is less confusion explaining things to a room full of drunk, rowdy men and to save our voices because usually instructions would be yelled. This also saves my patience and any other girls when we have to repeat ourselves 400 times to each guy, who mostly aren’t listening anyway. Even though we take these precautions, every guy ends up wanting to be the boss and dictating how things are going to go. So far all of this explaining has eaten up 30 minutes of our time to make sure there is no confusion. See my post on how agencies really work  to understand why we don’t want there to be any misunderstandings after a fee is collected.

2) We want the fee back!:

Once an agency fee is collected and called in, it is non-refundable. This is the part that stresses me out the very most. If we “check in” to a call and then the money is handed back, then we are therefore responsible for the money out of our own pocket. Yes, that sucks immensely. Some companies understand more and don’t make girls pay it back, but some are very strict about this policy. Really, I hate a conflict or disagreement, so that’s why I try to explain everything fully to clients and only work for agencies that I know explain things correctly on the phone. Clients only listen to half or none of what the girl says on the phone, so I try to repeat everything fully to make sure. People demanding back the fee is a rare occurrence for me now, but that thought and stress is still there in the back of my mind.

3) Problems, problems, problems:

Bachelor parties are the number one type of call where problems happen, and guys turn into some sort of irate animals. This is somewhere between what psychologists call “groupthink” and animal pack behavior. Most guys are having a good time, then a couple are just unsatisfied with whatever is going on usually alcohol induced (also, usually the person who spent the least amount of money or none at all), and their dissatisfaction spreads throughout the group until it’s a full-on mutiny. The emotions spread and turns into a mob against the girls. I’ve been around so many situations I can usually tell almost immediately if the party will be a problem or not. This intuition is great to have, but makes me nervous when I see how things might become a problem.

So, how do you make sure your bachelor party won’t turn into a disaster? Here are some good pointers:

1) Know your attendees:

Like I said before this makes all of the difference. If you have a larger group of guys and a couple of them can spend decent money, but the rest are complaining about $7 beers, then you might want to consider a strip club. The club can pick your party up for free, they have a two drink minimum, and each guy can pitch in what they want (if they want). Large groups of guys sometimes split up into smaller groups during these trips, so sometimes it’s better to group up the guys who are willing to pitch in for the bachelor and not be party duds. This way you have a group of guys that really want a good show and won’t complain about spending more than $40

2) Don’t try to invite every friend since kindergarten:

The larger the bachelor party, the more hectic and chaotic it gets. The most fun parties I have been to were between 4-7 guys. Everyone gets more time with each girl for dances, everyone isn’t squished like sardines in a room, and we don’t have to yell over every drunk in the room to explain anything. Things go more smoothly and overall people have a better time as a group. We get to know guys and interact with each one on a more personal basis as well. The money is a little more per person, but in the end the money goes further.

3) Way more interactive:

The in-room experience is definitely way more interactive with touching, games, and embarrassing the bachelor (clubs just don’t do the embarrassing stage shows in town anymore), but it is never cheaper than a club. This is a HUGE misconception with guys. They think the strip club girls are expensive and we work for singles. That logic makes no sense! Agency fees are in the hundreds alone, and strippers in the clubs already make on average 2-3 dances for $100, $400 for half an hour and $800+ for an hour. There is no way we’d be doing so much more for ones and fives. The difference is we can play more games and be more personable than clubs.

4) Be organized!:

Have the agency fee ready, have a decent amount of money per guy collected on top of the fee, and don’t go exchange all of your cash for ones! Keep some small bills for playing games with the bachelor, but please please pretty please don’t go exchange everything out in ones. The casino cashiers usually won’t take them back, and we get the biggest “Okay, stripper” eye roll.

Hopefully these tips helped everyone just in time for those people planning trips before the spring wedding rush. Las Vegas is definitely a bachelor party Mecca, so plan accordingly to your group to make it the best trip. There’s a party for everyone here I think.
Here’s also to a good 2012 and my first post of the new year.

Every so often I get emails, comments on Twitter, or read comments on articles that I was featured in that really come across as hateful or in general sex worker bashing. (Oh, like that’s really anything new.) Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion of prostitution and I respect that 1st Amendment right, however, it seems that since I am a sex worker then I am not entitled to my own opinion or to share my point of view of my line of work with others. Like I glorify it on here only speaking half truths, and maybe I really must hate myself, have Daddy issues, and was really forced into this line of work. Well, none of that’s true (I know the cynics will be disappointed!)

Since I stay up quite late at night, I typically wake up in time for lunch and sometimes eat out at places frequented by local corporate workers in their lunch breaks. I sit in a booth or table nearby and can’t help but hearing their ongoing, mundane conversations. Sometimes I don’t want to hear them, but that’s just too bad because I will be subjected to the woman bellowing out her latest bellyache about some other female employee or some other random drama back at the office. I sit there and I think to myself, is this what the average, anti-sex worker person wants me to do? Be just as miserable as this woman at her boring, dead-end corporate job? Who can’t even relax at a nice lunch for an hour and talk about anything else, maybe even something that’s nice and pleasant? I mean these people I listen to are average Joe corporate America with a “real” job where they go to some office for a set number of hours a day for a set number of days a week. All they can go on about is how they can screw over their boss or company (or government), instead of relaxing during that one hour off to eat. I sit there and think to myself, “If I had that job I would be so miserable and feel so trapped,” and yet in my current job I don’t ever feel that way. I don’t feel trapped, I don’t feel miserable, and I can’t beat making my own shedule. I know “they” all want me to feel that way, or “they” want me to come out and admit that my life is a wreck, but it isn’t, and I won’t ever let it be that way. Of course I have friends that really enjoy their jobs at corporations and the line of work they are in, and I am happy for anyone else who enjoys their job at the same type of place… It’s just not for me.

I had talked previously in a post about the dark side of prostitution and how it sickens me what people to do others with trafficking. There definitely are girls that need to be helped and pimps that need to be prosecuted for forcing anyone into prostitution. Yes, there is a dark side to this business, but there are dark sides to a lot of other businesses too. I recently read somewhere in a news article that the “happy hooker” is just a myth and it’s all a lie. No matter what we are all “victims” of “the game” (I really hate that term!) Sorry, but the girls I know are definitely not a myth and are not miserable. So please go help those who need the help (I would even like to help too), but don’t group us all into the category of being trapped or wanting out. I’m happy right where I am for now, and I can do whatever I want when I so chose.

I see people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences which includes people with and without disabilities. I’ve seen war veterans who have recovered from severe injuries, people who are physically handicapped, and a even smaller number of deaf or blind clients. People oftentimes ask, “Do any of your clients make an impact on you?” Aside from injured war vets, who always amaze me by what they’ve gone through, one person stands out in my mind. I remembered him the other day: a semi-regular client from a few years ago who has been completely blind since birth.

I saw him a number of times over the course of a year when he would want to come out and gamble (slot machines mostly). Nothing sexual ever happened, and I don’t even think I got naked for dances during these visits. I definitely remember him taking care of me, typically for 3-5 hours blocks over several days to accompany him around town. Normally when people pay just for company, I have to think of transportation; where am I going? how should I dress?, etc. For once I didn’t have to consider hopping in a cab and I actually drove him around in my own car. We usually went to dinner and then I took him shopping wherever he wanted to go. The rest of the time was spent in the room talking about his personal issues — living by himself at home and how he deals with things that we oftentimes take for granted in our everyday lives, like grocery shopping or simply getting around. He really just needed someone to talk to and I felt bad because you could really tell how alone he felt when he was home. Sometimes he got overly emotional during our conversations.

While out shopping or eating, I really started to notice how different life is when you can’t see anything, and particularly if you have never been able to see your whole life. Imagine not knowing what “color” is, what “brightness” is… or darkness. Things that we might use as adjectives to describe something to someone else are limited by only things you can hear or feel. He liked going shopping for nice timepieces because of the way the watches ticked and felt in his hands. I tried describing the faceplates or colors of the armbands or shininess, but this was all unimportant and useless information to him. Most people would be enamored by the way a watch looks, but he liked them for completely different reasons that I would have never noticed before. Even counting cash is impossible if you can’t see. You have to trust that the person who is giving you change is really giving you what is right. I know that in a lot of countries currency has different sized bills or braille to differentiate, but he had a system of folding bills in his wallet six different ways for the six different denominations (I never saw him with a $2 bill). He also liked staying only in hotels that had an elevator that said aloud “going up” and announced each floors. At dinner I often read the menu to him to help him order (and eventually knew what items to skip over that he didn’t like).

And then I had to think of creative ways to “show” him around town. What is something good to hear? Or feel to experience in Vegas? Once I took him to the Bellagio fountains to hear them exploding only to be disappointed that it was a windy day. The more explosive shows were replaced with soft, swaying water sounds. He still enjoyed it.

Though I don’t see him anymore and his numbers have all changed, I used to check in with him every so often to see how he was doing. I couldn’t imagine a world where I couldn’t see or hadn’t experienced color or light before. And what he showed me in his world definitely made me more aware of what I experience in mine.

Oh where do I begin with this nauseating program? First of all, I want to put it out there that I have no issue with religious people so long as their “word” is not forced or imposed on others in a brainwashing manner. I have no issue with people and their belief systems, no matter what they are, so long as they do not harm or make a person’s life more miserable than they were in the first place. I have mentioned Annie Lobert before — a couple of years ago — when she first made news in the Las Vegas Review-Journal about her ministry. In retrospect, I think I spoke a little too highly of her mission having now watched the show.

This show is new on the Investigation Discovery Channel — Hookers: Saved on the Strip. It follows Annie Lobert and her ministry of Hookers for Jesus, with Destiny House, and the The Church at South Las Vegas, in a reality show format. Since only one episode has aired so far, it has mostly focused on the story of “Regina” and her process of attempting to get out of the industry through Annie’s ministry. This is where things start getting under my skin. Regina obviously has a head on her shoulders and could get out of the industry on her own. She could easily be educated or trained to be in a good job.  From the start, though, she is frustrated because of being told by HELP of Southern Nevada (a non-profit community program) that she is pretty much only good for a minimum wage job at best in retail or the restaurant service industry. This degrading awakening that Annie seems to support, of course, only further frustrates Regina because she could not even cover her car note and insurance with that level of income. Her job search goes on for over a month before Annie ever gets the clue that maybe Regina should see a lawyer to seal her records to help with job placement. This should have been step ONE. Why disappoint someone and drag them through more emotional strain when they are already dealing with the inner turmoil of completely changing their life around and THEN realize “oh yea if we had done this one step first you might have saved yourself some heartache, embarrassment, and time?” Later on in the show, Regina says she has been in their “program” for seven months now (?!?!?!) and things were coming to a boil and she wants out, of course… still with no job. Tempers start to flare and Annie brings up the love of Jesus and somehow this is going to make it all better. Seriously??

Annie continues to further degrade Regina by taking her to some of the most ghetto apartments that I can only imagine being on Twain between Paradise and Maryland Parkway (if you know Las Vegas you know what a crap area that is) as if to show her THIS is what you are worth now, Regina. This rundown complex, living by yourself, with your minimum wage job (that you still haven’t found) and living paycheck to paycheck with no real training or education. But don’t worry you have the love of God, still! What a real swift kick in the emotional pants.

Here are some steps that could have been taken to avoid more suffering for these poor girls trying to change their lives:
1) Get the girls away from their pimps (this seems to be one step they are doing correctly)
2) Take the girl to a lawyer who can help with their police records. If they really want to change their lives and move on, I don’t think a judge would refuse the sealing of their records since they are usually a string of misdemeanors, anyway.
3) Help the girl find something profitable they are interested in and educate them in that area. Regina doesn’t have any real interests, she says on the show, so help her find something that would be of interest to her.  No one wants to be stuck doing something they hate in the first place and failure would just be reinforced in their minds.
4) Help the girl find a real well-paying job. Not a $9 an hour, not even full time job. Don’t make her feel like a cheap whore that got thrown out on the street because that’s all you feel like she is worth. No one wants that and these girls probably already felt that way when they were with their pimp.  Make them feel good about their prospects and their future if you really want your program to succeed.

Of course none of these steps are really easy but they seem like some simple and practical guidelines. When you throw religion and the “will of God” into the mix of someone already trying to make major changes in their life, things become more confusing and frustrating, and drastically raise the guilt and shame levels, which is completely unnecessary. Why would this God want them to suffer by living in a ghetto apartment, barely scraping by, or not even getting a job? That would only make someone wonder “if this God and his love is so great then why do I feel like I’m suffering?”  Or is that actually the point? I smell tired old misogyny (yes, I realize Annie is a woman, but these are very old, man-inspired attitudes towards women and control of their choices) and hatred of sex workers — even legal stripping — it’s all sin, isn’t it, Annie?  Eyerolls…

One thing that Regina pointed out that Annie completely disagreed with was her idea of returning to stripping in the mean time. Annie thinks stripping is to prostitution like weed allegedly is to drugs: a “gateway” from one to the other (her words on the show.) Though this is somewhat true in my own case it isn’t for the vast majority of the strippers out there. I think that if Regina really wants to change her ways from the sex industry then she would keep strictly to stripping and would be okay with the money she was making. This could definitely provide the income she needed while going back to school and getting a real education in something she could make a career of, instead of working a degrading, dead end retail job until the end of time. At the very end of the show, though, they finally have Regina talk to an agent that might be able to help her get a job in leasing sales — apparently seven months after she entered the “program,” if they edited the show in a truthful fashion.

When I was watching the show, Annie’s actions and ministry brought me back to a philosophy class I took in college. In the readings on his Groundwork of the Metaphysic(s) of Morals by Immanuel Kant, and his cases of duty that he explains in the book, people are only inclined to donate their time or money to others because it is pleasurable in some way to them and makes them feel good. In the class it made me realize in some ways that people do charity work only to make them feel better about themselves. And how sometimes this type of behavior is selfish. I get this feeling from Annie. Call me harsh or cynical, but in the end, I get the sense that her main focus is only getting the girls out of the business to earn herself extra Jesus points, and she’s not really seeing the huge picture of what these girls REALLY need to change their lives — pragmatic professional help. Preaching the word of God and blaming it all on the devil on a stripper pole is not a way to solve the real problems of their lives and start over.

In the end, I want to see Regina succeed and I know Annie wants to see that as well, but what would really help is bringing more professionals into the program and less of leaving it up to God to fix. Adding the aid of attorneys, psychologists, professional career counselors, professional recruiters, and above all professional education and training would be the ideal situation and program to have. If going to church to have others support you and your journey to recovery is what you need then by all means include that too but it shouldn’t be the primary focus forced on these women to succeed. It’s a far, far, larger task to accomplish than simply leaving it up to God.