The Red Hot Chili Pepper Escort
This is kind of a funny story to me but may make others cringe. Let’s just say I learned my lesson…
I got a call from an agency last week and the phone girl sent me over to Hooters Hotel and Casino. I get the room information, get the company fee pretty quickly, and find out the guy is working with a small budget along (I think the company was going to make more than me!) but worked out a deal. The guy apologized knowing that he wasn’t going to be in for much but a hand job, but said it was all right since he was so extremely drunk he knew he would have some performance issues if sex was involved anyway. Worked out perfectly.
I put on a condom with lube in it and more lube on the outside and try to work some life back into his drunken dick. It eventually worked and he ended up finishing surprisingly. He kept complimenting me on how nice I was and how hot he thought I was but then when cleaning himself off his eyes got BIG. He yelps, “What WAS that you put on my dick?!?! Warming gel.. oh my god my dick is on FIRE” and hops up towards the bathroom. Suddenly he wasn’t drunk and was speaking in un-slurred English. What is he talking about? I hate warming lube and never use it. Then it dawns on me and my mind rewinds about 2 hours at home…
Earlier I was making myself some food to snack on for the week while I’m out on calls and have no time to stop to grab food. This snack includes me chopping up a fresh hot red fresno pepper finely to spice up my meal. A little forgotten fact is when you chop peppers those oils seep into your skin, hence my now burning client. Oh my what have I done. I totally had killed his buzz and whatever happiness was from ejaculating. When I realized my mistake explained he tried smiling but it was hard to do. Embarrassed, I left in more of a hurry. Lesson learned! Wear gloves when chopping peppers next time on a work night.
Poor guy, did you wash your hand? lol , well at least he sober after that.I have to say your blog is so fascinating and entertaining to read. I stayed up til the early morning reading all of your article, Keep up the good work.
August 4th, 2009 at 2:28 amThat was a good story. A friend of mine likes to eat at those specialty wing restaurants that make chicken wings so spicy that they burn your hands. Well, one day, he was eating there and excused himself to go to the bathroom. While standing at the urinal, his dick caught on FIRE. He tried to wash everything with water from the sink, but that just made the problem spread further…
August 4th, 2009 at 7:55 amThanks for the hot tip. So, if I ever need to sober up in a hurry I just rub a little pepper on myself?
I imagine the cop would look at me a little funny while he’s giving me a field sobriety test….
By the way, here is a good article for you. There was a poll taken in China, it ranked prostitutes as the third most trusted profession. No telling where police and politicians ranked on the list.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8183502.stm
August 4th, 2009 at 8:57 pmThis is late, but next time spray a bit of hairspray on your hands or clean them with a bit of rubbing alcohol. The residue from peppers/spices are alcohol soluble but wont wash off with water alone. 🙂
January 27th, 2010 at 8:25 pm